Xenadrine, Dexatrim, Trim-Spa, Xenical, Fen-Phen. TRY IT!

The commercials say it works and they'd never lie!

I Agree With Me

This advice isn't so bad. But my spelling of the word "curfew" makes me want to slap myself.

Side Talks Gets Defensive

You know, I come home from school, slave over my typewriter giving questionable advice to made-up people, and this is the thanks I get?

I Interrupt This Advice Column To Bring You An Easter Card

I have NO idea how old I was when I wrote this. Honestly, I vaguely remember doing it when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade at Holy Name.

When I pulled this out of the cedar chest, the first thing I saw was the back of the card and couldn't make sense of it. Was I an atheist in 3rd grade?



Then I realized that that's a picture of some other saint (who rolled the rock away from Jesus' tomb?) and announced that Jesus wasn't there and that he'd risen from the dead.

I was probably an atheist then, too, though. I'm surprised the nuns let me get away with putting this on the front cover of an Easter card:


I also, apparently, wasn't too sure that other people would appreciate my artistic abilities, because I urge my mother and grandmother (Mamas) to throw the card out.

AGAIN With The Torn Between Two Lovers

Well, at least Jessie doesn't advise them meeting in the same house at the same time. That's HORRIBLE (and redundant) advice.

Aww...

Well, this letter just makes me sad. Many of my letters had something to do with what was going on in my actual life. This one below is a perfect example. I DID live with my grandmother and she constantly criticized me. It's kind of pathetic that I'm trying to convince myself that she did it because she loved me.

???

What advice am I actually trying to give here? There's no name of the magazine, no street address, and then I tell HER to write about it? What?

Just In Case I Forget...

... all that time I spent sitting in my bedroom typing phony advice columns instead of doing my homework? That was all written by me, so I left myself a note at the bottom to remind myself.

Jessie Advocates Stalking

Keep after him! He's probably lying anyway.

Chinese People Are Very Concerned With Etiquette

Change Yourself, Damnit!

Excuse me, Bully? What can I do so that you won't make fun of me any more? How can I change to please you? Would therapy make me more acceptable?

Jessie advocates physical violence (I'll call her an idiot)

What on earth could be accomplished by encouraging a woman to get both of her boyfriends together in the same room except the desire to witness a brawl? Then again, my adult self DOES love a good hockey fight.

Save All Your Stuff

I was a pretty weird kid. Last night I was going through my cedar chest and found a bunch of typed papers entitled Side Talks. I have no idea where I got that title, but apparently it was an advice column I'd written-- to myself. I'd forgotten all about it, but it was pretty amusing so I've decided to share them, bad spelling, horrible advice and all.